You're Handsome When I'm Drunk
by RPG Girl
Summary: Female Inquisitor Evelyn is best friends with Dorian. When Dorian's father writes him a letter (after their meeting) he discovers his father is willing to overlook his choices- as long as he gives the Pavus family an heir. With the help of Bull's ale, the two friends prepare for an awkward night in order to produce an heir and gain allies and riches for the Inquisition.


"Quizzy, dear, I have a slight problem." Dorian heads up the stairs towards the Inquisitor's room, a look of apprehension upon his face.

"To what do I owe this visit?" Evelyn Trevelyan says with her arms crossed against her chest; staring down at her flamboyant Tevinter friend as he ascended the stairs.

After having fought by her side, helping her close many rifts and gain a number of allies; Dorian and her had become best friends. They enjoyed each others company, spending many a night drinking and playing chess. When they weren't doing that, they were running around decorating Skyhold.

The others found their intimacy quite strange, what with Dorian preferring the company of men as well as being a Tevinter mage and their families being slightly related somewhere down the line of their family tree. Certain male members of the Inquisition showed slight jealousy towards the attention Dorian received from the Inquisitor. These rumors and jealous notions only served as entertaining late night chats for the two who continued to be the best of friends, regardless of what the others thought of their affairs.

Leaning against the railing at the top of the stairs, Evelyn frowns as she notices the serious look upon his face.

"Dorian? What is the matter?" she asks as he takes a stand at the top of the stairs.

Reaching into the pocket of his silk and satin robes, he withdraws a slightly wrinkled piece of parchment and stares down at it.

"A letter?" Evelyn says with a smirk, hoping to break the tension,"A naughty letter, perhaps? A humorous proposal from some Antivan Dowager?"

"Not quite. It's from my father." he says, gripping it tightly with anger.

"I see." Evelyn says, holding her hand out for the letter,"Perhaps it is a good thing he is reaching out to you?"

"Reaching out. Ha! Not exactly what Magister Halward had in mind." Dorian says, thrusting the letter at her with disgust.

Holding the paper in front of her face, Evelyn scans the contents of the letter; a look of shock spreading across her face.

"You can't be serious." she says, appalled,"So much for a warm family reunion."

Dorian sighs as he takes the letter from her, shoving it angrily into his pocket.

"This is how it has always been." He sighs, walking over to take a seat upon her couch,"My family doesn't care for my choices; my father has always disapproved."

"So this is their way of approving of your choices?" Frowning, Evelyn takes a seat beside him," Forcing you to have an heir so they can fake approval of your choices?"

"Thus dissolving my pariah status and allowing me to one day take my father's place in the magisterium."Dorian explains, his jaw setting tightly.

"Why don't you just throw that damned letter away and forget about this whole mess?" Evelyn says, placing a caring hand upon his knee,"Go marry some nice guy.."

"Because you love him, but you're angry." Interrupts the voice of Cole as he makes his way into the room from the balcony.

A growl of irritation issues forth from Dorian as Cole continues talking,"They mix together, boiling in the belly until it kneads into a knot."

He approaches the two friends sitting upon the couch and takes a stand in front of them, looking down at Dorian with a look of sympathy.

"You sure like showing up at bad times, huh kid?" Dorian says, glaring up at the ghost boy.

Evelyn pats Dorian upon the knee to calm him,"Cole wants to help you. Maybe you should let him."

Rolling his eyes, Dorian waves his hand in the air; gesturing for Cole to continue his short monologue.

"His face in the stands, watching as I pass the test. So proud there's tears in his eyes. Anything to make him happy. _Anything._" Cole says quickly.

Rubbing his face in irritation, Dorian sighs and lays his head back against the couch.

"Why isn't that true anymore?" Cole asks, looking down at the frowning mage.

"Sometimes love isn't enough, Cole." Dorian growls,"This is a situation in which no amount of love can help."

Squeezing his knee gently, Evelyn smiles at him,"Don't do anything that you don't want to do, Dorian."

"Sometimes, the ones you love are the ones who disappoint you the most." Dorian explains,"You think that if they love you, they would understand."

"So, you feel betrayed- saying things you can't ever take back." Cole says with a nod,"Why don't you forgive him? What he requests can't be all that bad."

Dorian bursts out with laughter, slapping his knees as chuckles escape his throat. Evelyn sighs in amusement, closing her eyes and shaking her head in disbelief. Taking a deep breath, she reaches out and grabs a hold of Cole's hand, smiling sweetly up at him.

"Cole, perhaps it's best if you leave for now." she says gently,"We appreciate your help, but, this is an issue you cannot help with, unfortunately."

"I'm sorry. I keep making things worse, huh?" Cole says, frowning down at her.

"Not at all. This is just a problem dealing with something you don't know anything about." Evelyn explains with a smirk.

"Perhaps you can teach me, then?" Cole says; face lighting up,"I really want to help."

Falling sideways onto the couch, Dorian grasps his sides in pain as he laughs out loud uncontrollably. Chuckling, Evelyn takes a stand and gestures for Cole to follow her down the stairs; laughing with every step.

"Did I say something wrong?" Cole asks as he follows her down the stairs.

Coming to a stop at the bottom of the stairs, Evelyn opens the door,"You didn't do or say anything wrong. Thank you for your help, Cole."

"I helped?" Cole says, a look of confusion upon his face.

"Well, you put Dorian in a better mood by making him laugh." Evelyn says, smiling at him,"I'd call that helping."

Cole smiles happily at her before heading out the door. Evelyn watches him disappear down the landing before shutting the door and heading back up the stairs. The quiet chuckles being held back by Dorian make her smirk in amusement as she reaches the top.

"I regret allowing that kid to question me." Dorian smirks,"He loves getting into some personal stuff."

"Well, at least he put you in a better mood, right?" Evelyn says, leaning against the railing at the top of the stairs,"I take it we're going back to the previous matter, then?"

"You know me too well, Quizzy." Dorian says, patting the seat beside him on the couch,"I just can't seem to stop thinking about that letter."

"Then, why don't you just destroy it?" Evelyn says, siting upon the empty seat,"Your family can't force you to change yourself."

"Don't you think I know that?" Dorian says, folding his arms across his chest,"It's just- I can't help but feel like this could benefit both myself and the Inquisition.

Evelyn's forehead wrinkles with curiosity,"Oh? What, pray tell, could you be thinking?"

Dorian's face becomes flustered, taking on the appearance of one about to be sick,"I'm going to need a drink or two before we can discuss this."

Eyeing him suspiciously, Evelyn picks up a small bell from the table beside the couch and rings it a few times. The twinkles echo through the room and the door is heard opening; a scrawny elven female running up the stairs quickly.

"Inquisitor?" she says, bowing deeply before them.

"Would you mind getting Dorian and I a bottle of vintage wine?" Evelyn asks, slightly bowing at the woman.

"Of course, my lady!" the little elf says, rushing down the stairs and out of the room; Evelyn shouting thanks after her.

As they await the elf's return, Evelyn turns towards the queasy looking man beside her,"What exactly is this about, Dorian?"

"Quizzy- you're a special and unique snowflake." Dorian says, playing with his mustache,"I'd prefer discussing this with some drink. It is rather awkward."

"Come now, Dorian. We're friends. I'm sure it can't be that bad." Evelyn says, folding her arms in fake anger and frowning.

Dorian gets up from the couch and walks over to the lone bookshelf in the room, scanning her collection. He removes a book on the Tevinter Imperium and flips it open, scanning its contents with a smirk of amusement. Slightly irked, Evelyn makes her way towards him.

"You're supposed to tell me everything, remember?" she says, frowning as he ignores her.

She grasps his arm and pulls on it gently, trying to get him to spill his secrets. Dorian merely smirks at her attempt as he fingers through the pages of the book. Footsteps echo up the stairs as the female elf returns with a tray of wine and glasses. She sets the tray upon the stand beside the couch and bows down before the two.

"Is there anything else I can get you, Ser?" she says quietly, avoiding eye contact with Evelyn.

"That will be all. Thank you, Nessa." Evelyn says, dismissing the elf.

The female elf looks up at her in shock, having been talked to so freely by Inquisitor. Feeling the nervousness of being treated as an equal, she scurries out of the room, leaving the two friends to talk. Evelyn nods at Dorian before heading to the couch and taking a seat. Popping the cork, she pours herself a glass of wine and swirls the liquid around the glass, taking note of its aromas. Dorian closes the book and shoves it onto the shelf, walking over to the couch and sitting down.

Evelyn pours him a hefty amount of wine and hands him the glass, sticking out her pinky; mocking royalty. Dorian chuckles slightly before savoring a taste of the wine.

"Delectable taste." he says, swirling the liquid in the glass; then taking another sip,"Hopefully its alcoholic properties can get us drunk quickly."

"This must be good if you need us to get drunk." Evelyn says, wiping her mouth off with the back of her hand.

Clearing his throat nervously so as to avoid the topic, Dorian takes another drink of his wine.

Evelyn rushes over to the trunk at the foot of her bed and digs out her chess set,"How about some chess to clear the air?"

Dorian nods at her approvingly and takes another sip as she sets up the chess set upon the other side table, dragging a nearby chair over to the table. Taking a seat, she gestures for Dorian to stay before making the first move in their game. Picking up a piece and playing, Dorian takes another sip of his wine and nods at her to go.

"So.. is the wine setting in, yet?" Evelyn asks with a smirk, taking a drink of her wine before moving another piece.

"Is that what that light, tingly feeling is? I suppose it's starting to take effect, then." he replies sarcastically, moving his piece closer to her side of the board.

Finishing off her glass of wine, Evelyn sets the glass down and moves her piece in front of Dorian's king,"Checkmate."

"Vishante kaffas!" Dorian growls, allowing her to knock his king off of the board,"It appears we've played this game together a few too many times."

Smirking, Evelyn begins boxing up her chess pieces,"I won, so, it looks like you have to tell me this little idea of yours, now."

Making a slightly disgusted face, Dorian chugs down the rest of his glass of wine before accepting defeat,"Fine. Let's get this over with."

Evelyn forgets about her clean up duties and rushes to sit upon the couch beside Dorian. Setting his empty glass upon the chessboard, Dorian turns towards Evelyn and looks deeply into her eyes.

"Quizzy- what I'm about to tell you may seem quite.. strange." He says, shaking his head in disbelief,"It's going to force me to change."

"So, then, how is this an option?" Evelyn says, glaring angrily at him,"I don't want you to have to change yourself to appease your selfish family."

"Just hear me out. I am the one with the wit and charm, after all." He says with a smirk, winking at her and causing her to fake punch him in the arm.

Clearing his throat, he continues,"Imagine a deal in which I can appease my family whilst being free to make my own choices."

Evelyn eyes him curiously,"Continue."

"A deal that will give the Inquisition unlimited funding as well as Tevinter allies and supplies." He says, fiddling with his mustache.

"Alright, Dorian, I am intrigued." Evelyn says, crossing her arms,"What is this deal you talk of?"

"Here is my proposal, Quizzy." He says, appearing to hold back vomit,"You help me produce an heir. We'll have it, throw it to my family, and the Inquisition will blossom."

Eyes, open wide, Evelyn stares at him in shock; her jaw practically dropping to the ground.

"You can't be serious, Dorian." she says, taken aback by his suggestion.

"Oh, but I am." he says, clasping his hands upon his lap,"As much as it will disgust me to do it, my loyalty lies with the Inquisition and I would like to see it prosper."

Evelyn chuckles in amusement, slightly disturbed by his proposal,"You think it's as simple as that?"

"By the Maker, no!" Dorian growls, running a hand over his face,"Why do you think I had us get drunk before I told you?"

"You realize this is going to be very weird, right?" Evelyn says, shaking her head in amazement,"I mean, you're gay, Dorian! And, I've never even had sex!"

Dorian chuckles a little bit, taken aback by her confession,"Never had sex?! You've never ridden then Bull or climbed the Wall?! All these men going after you. Such a waste!"

"This is no time to be joking, Dorian." Evelyn snaps, glaring at him,"You do realize the seriousness of your request, right?"

Sighing, Dorian holds up his hand to silence her,"Quizzy, you're a Trevelyan and thus good blood. You're also my best friend. Believe me when I say I understand the shock."

"So, you would have me.. us.. you.. do this just to make your father happy?" she says, throwing her hands up in frustration,"You really meant anything, didn't you?"

Shrugging, Dorian nods his head in agreement,"I got this letter a while back and have been thinking on it. I wouldn't have bought this up if I didn't think it was worth it."

Evelyn sighs,"You're my best friend. I would do anything to make you happy. I just don't want you to regret this or force yourself to do anything that you don't want to do."

"Well, I definitely don't want to _do _this." Dorian says, making a disgusted face,"You're a rare breed. A Unicorn, Quizzy! But, you know how I feel about females."

A smirk plays upon Evelyn's face as he continues talking,"With Bull's help, we should be able to pull this off. And, you won't be so proper afterward, either."

"That makes things awkward." Evelyn sighs, her hands fidgeting nervously,"If I'm to do this, I'd think I'd like to get drunk, too. It's just too weird to think about."

"So, are we going to make this deal happen?" he says fiddling with his mustache; staring at the nervous girl before him,"Of course, I'll be indebted to you forever, if we do."

With a slight blush to her cheeks, Evelyn smiles slightly at him,"I'm not going to do this so you'll be indebted to me, Dorian. I'm doing this for you- someone I care about."

"I'm going to stop before I say something syrupy. Just know that I wont forget this and I _will_ repay you. Count on it." he says, holding up a hand.

"It's funny, the things I do for others." Evelyn says, shaking her head in disbelief,"Just stand by me against all who oppose the Inquisition as my friend and I'll be happy."

"Quit speaking like that- I detest confessions." he says, cringing a little at her sincerity.

"Oh stop! It's not like I'm saying I'm _in love with you." _she laughs, fake punching him in the arm.

"You've got all these men who would cozy up to you, open doors, get you whatever you want, and shower you with power." he shrugs,"And, yet, you spend time with me."

"I'm shy with straight men, Dorian." Evelyn frowns, avoiding eye contact,"Just like how you are with your own kind."

"My own kind?!" he chuckles, rolling his eyes,"Let's dispense of this chit chat before things get too weird."

Nodding her head in agreement, they stand up in awkward silence. With deep sighs, they head down the stairs and make their way to the door; both of them in slight shock over their agreement. They come to a stop in the door frame before Dorian decides to speak.

"I'm going to go talk to Bull and see how much Qunari crap he can get us." he says, making a face at the thought of drinking Bull's favorite drink again.

"So, what's the plan after that?" Evelyn stutters nervously, biting her lip.

"I'll come back here and _attempt _to make an heir, I guess." he shrugs,"Might be a good idea to call off your servants."_  
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"I'll do that. Wouldn't want any tongues wagging just yet." Evelyn says quietly, a nervous knot building up in her throat.

At that, Dorian walks away quickly and she shuts her door, completely freaked out by what's to come.


End file.
